Home wreaker

"You should move in with me…." "What?", I exclaim. "You should move in with me at the end of the semester.", she says again. "Ummm, Okay, I have to think about it." I quickly gets off the phone and a number of thoughts fill my head. My marriage……. Five years…….am I a lesbian…… do I love her……Sydney…… school…..my mom and family will not understand….. Confused I go about my day pondering and seeking others opinions. My conclusion is: Do I want to stay with Josh because I love him or its comfortable? Because it is comfortable. Do I want to move in with her to get away from here or because I want to be with her. A little of both but I want to be with her. So I decided to move. I call her back as fast as I can to tell her the news. I am ecstatic, Julie yes, I will move in with you. I hear happiness in her voice and in the back of my mind I am dreading the upcoming events. I have to tell Josh and he is going to be devastated. Later at home I cook a nice dinner, one that Josh wants and I sit down to tell him the news. I can feel his heart sink and the sad look on his face breaks my heart. He plays it off as if it is nothing and tells me to do what I want. Well, can you tell me what you think, I ask him. He said It’s fine do what you need to do. In my mind I am thinking this is the precise reason why our marriage did not work and will never work. There is no honest communication. Okay was my only reply and I left him to finish his dinner. I lay in bed think about what could be going through his head. Home wreaker is all that I can think about. How could someone give no regard to what is between two people. How could someone be so cold and not care. I don’t understand why HE did not care. He has never been there for me. These thoughts wear me down and I cry in despair for him, for me, for us. How did we get here. Why did he wreak our lives by not giving me the attention I need and deserve.